domingo, 8 de octubre de 2017

I've lost things too, Brian

Based on Brian Arundel’s “The Things I’ve Lost”.

I lost my favorite headband at the beach when I was 7. It fell in the sand and proved impossible to retrieve. I haven’t stopped mourning it since. My Lion King shoe and part of my pride in the playground when I was 5. My aunt made me walk with just the other one on, and I cursed all the way back to the car. Or the five-year-old version of that.

My pink transparent glasses I lost at 20. I was doing my makeup while in traffic and bumped the car in front of me. I got out to apologize and forgot I had them on my lap. Both cars were fine, though.

2 mixtapes, my favorite sandals, and a cute bomber jacket were lost in 2012: the year my car got stolen. I’d go and blame myself for leaving so many things inside, but also because I forgot to lock the gear. The police never found the car, so I guess I lost it too.

I lost my faith in god right after mom got sick the third time around. Once a true believer, the notion started to seem absurd to me. It still does. My anxiety over paranormal and horror films, I lost after she died.

Mom’s gold earrings: during prom. She told me I shouldn’t worry, they were meant for me anyway. This only made me more miserable. My stubborn need to stay in Caracas: when I realized I had outgrown everything that had once defined me, but also after mom died. There was no point to it anymore.

My hopeless romanticism was gone at 23, after my first love slept with multiple other people and told me about it in detail. My need for revenge, on the other side, disappeared after he begged me to take him back and I didn’t open the door.

My love for black mascara: after I accepted crying as a possible occurrence in my everyday life, and decided I didn’t want the world to partake in it. My water bottle: at least once a week. It’s an impressive ability I can’t seem to control.

I lost my unfair favoritism towards dogs once I adopted my cat, Ilana, and realized how much better, smarter, and significantly less annoying she was. I also lost my unfair favoritism towards her after she chewed and broke 3 laptop chargers. I still love her more than the average cat, I must say.

My shame towards my anxiety and OCD: about a couple of months ago, when I decided to embrace them instead of defining myself through them. Sometimes it comes back, but not as often as it used to. My love for academia was also lost recently. I don’t think that one will come back, though.

This year I also lost my fears. I suddenly realized that everything I held dear was gone. I had nothing else to lose. The world was no longer an intimidating place.

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